


Into a Time Loop Devoid of Misery

by 0809karu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0809karu/pseuds/0809karu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has been reborn as an intelligence agent who, try as he might, cannot wash the blood from over a thousand years ago from his hands. Eren, a landscape painter, desperately attempts to drag Levi from the vicious time loop of violence-and into one devoid of misery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> So, my first fanfiction in years-I have big plans for this one, and I hope school is kind enough to allow me to finish it within a reasonable amount of time. I am a huge EreRi fan, and have always wanted to construct a rebirth fanfiction, so writing this simply makes me happy. To those who may or may not have noticed, the title of this fiction is based off a line from Hacking to the Gate, and there's a reason for that.
> 
> **Usual Disclaimer** I would love to own Shingeki no Kyojin, because then every fanfiction I write would actually be canon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Author Edits* I changed some of the phrasing to clarify my prose style. In addition, I also modified the reason behind Eren's wish, and the description of Levi's emotions, in an attempt to make them more faithful to the originals.

Like the diaphanous veil of a bride, the light floated before the boy’s eyes. He was sitting upon a golden chair, gazing upwards, to where They hovered. They were existing yet immaterial. The silver music of silence swirled in his ears.  


 _You have suffered,_ They said in sympathy. _Suffered for the sake of others._  


 _We have felt your anger,_ They said in guilt. _The anger we have caused._  


 _We will offer you one wish,_ They said in apology. _Any wish you may choose._  


When the third sentence fell at his feet, the boy lifted his eyes, which were forests of life.  


 _Any wish?_ he asked.  


_Yes._  


_Then I wish to remember._  


They shivered with surprise.  


 _Remember? Remember your screams of pain, your curses of vengeance, the tears you shed?_ They asked. _Why? Why remember?_  


He said, _Because I want to remember the debt I owe to those who saved me._  


And as he said so, he could see, within the white light, the winged backs of his companions form a living wall before him, sweet as a mother’s embrace. They had shed blood for him; they had died for him. This next time, he thought, it was his turn.

Most of all, he did not want to forget most of all what Levi had given him. Levi had loved him and fought for him until his very essence had melded into the boy’s heart and was pumped through his veins. The boy’s tears were precious memoirs of him.  


 _Very well then,_ They said. _We will grant your wish, Eren Jaeger._  


And so he awoke from his shallow sleep.

*****

Sand squirmed his way through the cracks of his toes, and Eren wrinkled his brow at the canvas, not pleased with what he saw. He had failed to capture it, he thought, the texture of the golden grains, which were soft and warm with sun, and slightly salty. With a sigh, he looked out over the sea that lay before him, as smooth and green as jade.  


“You don’t have to be such a perfectionist, you know.”  


A striking young girl played at his feet, constructing around the two of them a small fortress of sand. Her black hair stood out in contrast to her pale olive skin, and her features were sharp and delicate, like a fairy’s.  


“I know, Mikasa. But it’s frustrating when I can’t get things right.” He ruffled her hair and tried to change the subject. “What are you building?”  


“A wall,” she said. “To protect you.”  


At times, Eren wondered how much Mikasa remembered from over one thousand years ago. He had worked hard to inundate her with the pleasures of this life, taking her to make snow angels in the shimmering snow, to pick flowers in fields full of daisies, and to walk along the breakers on the beach. But no matter how hard he scrubbed, the blood of the titans seemed to already have stained her through.  


A sweating man pushing an ice-cream cart stopped before Mikasa, the rusting bell tinkling softly. He threw a tired smile at Eren.  


“I bet your sister would like something nice and cold right now.”  


Eren looked at Mikasa. “What do you say?”  


Mikasa made as if to shake her head, but Eren knew better. Whenever she wanted something, her large eyes gave off a certain twinkle and her mouth trembled just a bit. He dug into his back pocket, pulled out a few crumpled bills which had gone through the washing machine more than just once. Shifting through the sweets, he chose a strawberry popsicle for Mikasa.  


As the man rolled his cart away, Eren watched Mikasa munch on her popsicle, trying to hide the fact that she was quite happy. The sugary juice dripped from her chin, catching light from the sun that was sparkling off the horizon. Today, Eren thought, was truly a sweet day.  


Just behind the siblings, an irate young man shook off the cherry-lipped advances of a striking brunette. He had been questioning her seconds before, even though the near certitude that she would know nothing had been hanging over his head like a cloud. But even now, he could hear the command which Erwin had drilled into his head back at the French Intelligence Agency HQ: “Leave no rock unturned.”  
So he was here, trudging in filthy sand and in filthy lascivious glances, and now he was going to interrogate some poor young painter who seemed to be stuck in the rut some sort of artist’s block.  


 _Not_ very helpful. 

“Oi,” he called out. “Have a second?”  


With some surprise, he noticed that the back of the painter had stiffened slightly, and that the air had tensed with some palpable emotion. After the slow trickling of time, the painter turned, and Levi saw in Eren’s bright green eyes old joys and wounds from long ago.  


It came in a quick succession of… not quite images, but solid statuettes, scenes, that seemed to crash through his body and shake his entire being. Gaping holes that had been left by corpses covered with the bloody wings of freedom, the bubbling anger of man that had been oppressed by titan rule, the constant fear of death that had been so entrained in him that he felt fear without it. And when he had been with Eren, Levi really had been afraid, afraid because the burning eyes, the sharp purpose, and the clichéd heroism of the boy had stirred in the depths of his death-weighed heart some emotion which the Lance Corporal had never felt before—a feeling of confused protectiveness and completeness that made him forget about fear, about death, about the blood on his hands. And that was horrifying.  


With a wet crash, another wave rushed onto the beach, and its spray peppered his face. The blue-tipped paintbrush had fallen from Eren’s hand, and Levi saw that the lanky frame of the taller man was shivering. A single tear wound its meandering way down Eren’s face, which was otherwise trying to remain composed.  


Levi pulled a handkerchief from his front shirt pocket and roughly dabbed at the tear.  


“Oi, Eren,” he said. “Don’t cry.”  


“Levi?” Eren asked. “You remember?”  


Levi looked into Eren’s eyes, and a surge of warm confusion spread through him, which he had never felt in this life, and only with Eren in his last. Without meaning to, he lightly brushed Eren’s fingertips with his own, and half-grimaced as his skin tingled with the touch..  


“Don’t be stupid, brat,” Levi said. “How could I forget?”  


And Eren smiled a wet, shaky smile, one that sent another tangle of conclusion through the previous Lance Corporal’s heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really trying to bring out the chemistry between Eren and Levi through this meeting after rebirth, while at the same time not having either character too OOC. (How did I do?) I also was never really a fan of "sex-god-Levi," and I always saw him more as a hardened soldier who becomes sort of quietly flustered and uncertain when faced with the fluffiness of romance. And I saw Eren, who has a beautiful, clear strength of purpose and youthful vitality, as unlocking a wave of emotion and tenderness in Levi's heart which no one has been able to access before.  
> Be prepared for fluff, adventure, and angst in times to come!
> 
> Well, see you next chapter! (●´∀｀●)


	2. A Kiss

Mikasa slept like a cat, her soft body curled into Eren's side. Absentmindedly, he stroked the top of her head, and her breathing became a warm, almost imperceptible purring. Levi sat beside him, arm draped over a knee. His thin fingers grasped the lip of a coffee mug.

"You've been tamed," Levi said.

Eren stretched. "Yeah, I guess," he said.

Almost without meaning to, the younger man told Levi how, sometimes, at night, his dreams would be haunted with memories of his last life, and he would be once again burning in the hell of a titan's body, their heat seeping into him, poisoning his resolve with hatred. He would hate, and hate, and hate—and then, suddenly, he would feel himself suffocating, the black waves of hatred overcoming him, eating him, transforming him, until he would look down, and realize _he was a titan._ Crying out, he would awake, drenched with sweat. He would sit there, nauseous. But then, eventually, the sweet hush of a wave would wash over him, and he'd remember where he was: a cozy beach-side town in England painted through with wind chimes made of shells and rainbow gelato shops.

"And that's when I realized," Eren concluded, "that I can never let Mikasa go through what we went through ever again. We live a good life here. I paint; she goes to kindergarten. And I want to keep that way. It's my turn to protect her this time."

Levi made no response. For reasons, this new Eren unnerved him, even more than the last. For one, he was older. About university age, Levi guessed. In this new Eren's confident shoulders, there was almost no trace of that scrawny neediness of a fifteen year-old boy, who had turned blindly to his childhood hero in his time of desperation, and gorged his hopes, his fears, and love. This new Eren felt a little further away, and part of it might be because…

No. It wasn't possible that he, Lance Corporal Levi, could feel an emotion as base as jealousy. Especially not towards a little girl. Nope. Fuck, no. It was below his dignity. But, damn, there was something in Eren that made him want to stake a claim in the boy, and… A scowl appeared between the older man's eyebrows.

So exactly _when_ had had Lance Corporal Levi become a pile of mush?

"Um, so then," said Eren. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm an accountant at a jeans factory," lied Levi with a straight face. As if he could tell Eren that he was a high-class French intelligence agent. Not after his entire spiel about wanting a peaceful life. Who knew what sort of passion the boy would work himself into.

"How is it?"

 _How is it?_ thought Levi incredulously. How the hell was he supposed to know how accountants felt? Rather, could they even feel, buried under all that paperwork? As he was about to open his mouth and let whatever shit that was about to spew out spew out, Eren looked over his shoulder.

"Mom!" the younger man called.

Coming towards them was a woman with bright eyes and a kind smile. She had the same delicate, fairy-like face as Mikasa.

"I'm here to pick you two up. Or so I was about to say." She turned and smiled at Levi. "But it seems you have a friend here, Eren."

"Oh, yeah. Mom, this is Levi. Levi, this is my mom—or step-mom, I should say."

Levi gave a curt nod. "Pleasure."

The smile on face of Mikasa's mother widened. "So _this_ is the beloved Levi."

" _What_?" asked Eren and Levi at the same time. The older man whipped his head around, and shot daggers at Eren.

"No, I-I swear," stammered Eren, "I didn't—!"

"No, you didn't say anything, Eren," Mikasa's mother said. "Well, not while you were awake, anyways." She winked. "But, I did wonder just exactly who this Levi was—the one you called out to during your sleep."

"I _what_?" asked Eren again, as Levi's elbow came hurtling into his ribs. The woman, a twinkle flashing in her eyes, bent down and gathered Mikasa in her arms.

"I'll leave you two to talk then," she said. "But don't come back too late, Eren."

"Got it," he managed to choke out. After Mikasa's mother had retreated, Eren gingerly rubbed at his side.

"That hurt." He cast a sidelong glance at Levi. The shorter man had turned his face away. In a heated second of annoyance, Eren forced Levi's shoulders towards him.

"Wait," Eren asked after a pause. "Are you _blushing_?"

Within the next second, Eren was thrown down with so much force that when his back hit the soft ground, there was an audible _thump!_ and a subsequent snowstorm of sand. Levi was atop him, his knees pinning the younger man's wrists down, one hand at his throat, the other grasping a thick lock of brown hair. The light of the setting sun spilled from around the shorter man's body like a purple cape. At that moment, Eren was enraptured.

"Don't get cocky, brat," Levi snapped. "And what are you smiling like an idiot for?"

"I was just thinking, you look so _young."_

It was true. Levi was only in his mid-twenties. Though he looked nearly the same as he had in his thirties, there was an air of freshness about him which had not been there before. And he was no longer shadowed by five-hundred eclipses of death. Without even knowing what he was doing, Eren freed his wrist and raised his right hand up to the neck of the older man, drawing his face down, until—

"The hell do you think you're doing, Eren?" Levi flicked sand into his mouth.

Sputtering, Eren said, "Way to break the mood. That would've been our first kiss, you know."

Levi scoffed, getting off the taller man. "What are you, a teenage girl? Not like you exactly swept me off my feet the last time, either."

***** 

The last time, they had been attempting maneuver-gear practice.

Levi soared through the air, bursting through the foliage like a bird, his cloak spread out like open wings. Landing on a branch, he glared down at Eren, who was painfully picking himself up off the ground for the fiftieth time.

"Jeager," Levi called. "How much more useless can you get?"

And in the back of his mind, he wondered how his squad had taught the boy. The Lance Corporal was the epitome of natural talent, and the rush of battle was ingrained into his body. He hadn't the slightest clue of how to teach it. It was people like Petra, naturally sweet by disposition and brave by training, or Auruo, strong with pride and respect, or—

Levi cut off his thoughts with guillotine-like force, and his misty memories dropped down like a disembodied head. He knew that he could not get sentimental.

Eren's thoughts, however, lay in the same place.

"I really am useless," he said.

"What?"

"I said, I really am useless, sir!" Eren looked up at Levi, desperation blazing forth in his eyes. "They were right in front of me; they told me to trust them; they wanted to save me, and—and, I let them die!"

The muscles in Levi's face clenched. "Jeager, calm down."

"No! What am I a titan for?" Eren looked down at his clenched fist, which was covered with bites. "Why do I have this power? To protect people! Then why?" A single tear dripped from his chin and sunk into the moss. "Why is everyone dying?"

"I thought I told you that it wasn't your fault."

"But they died protecting me, because I _am_ a titan!" Eren looked back at the Lance Corporal. "If this is how it's going to turn out, you're better off killing me now, sir."

A wave of heat rose in Levi's throat like bile, and he dropped down. Grappling with the boy, he slammed him against the gnarled trunk of a tree. He stood over Eren, his left arm propping him up, his right hand holding a blade at the boy's slender throat. Eren swallowed, and the lump grazed lightly against the edge, slitting the tender skin.

"Do you really want to die, Jeager?"

"No… no! But, but if I'm to be stuck in the same form as those monsters who killed my friends and family for the rest of my life—if, if this power really is for nothing, and I can't protect the people around me—then, I might as well die!" Eren's fingers wrapped around Levi's wrist. "Just end it, sir!"

"Fuck you, Jeager," Levi's eyes narrowed. "I thought better of you. When I saw you in that prison cell, I thought you were like a mutt who couldn't be tamed by anyone but me. You had that purpose in your eyes. But who would have thought that now you'd turn and run, tail between your legs, whimpering like a damn pussy."

"I'm not running!" Eren said, his voice broken. "I'm just tired of seeing everyone die in front of me."

As he tried to brush the older man away, Eren's fist hit the bend in Levi's arm. Before either man could react, Levi collapsed forward, his face a hairsbreadth apart from Eren's. A few seconds passed, and all that could be heard in the silent forest was the boy's escalated breathing and the steady drum of their hearts. Then, just as Levi was beginning to realize with a slight tinge of confused disgust that he _didn't at all mind_ being this close to the boy, both of Eren's arms came up behind his head.

The kiss was a sloppy one, filled with animal desperation on Eren's part and blank bewilderment on Levi's. The boy pressed both his moans and lips against Levi's own, trying to suck as much warmth as he could out of the Lance Corporal. Levi heard Eren's fear, and saw the tears clinging onto the boy's long lashes. Slowly, his muscles relaxed. He wrapped his own arms around Eren's thin waist, and, holding the boy closer, closed his eyes.

His forgotten blade sunk into the moss, with a thin trickle of blood still running down the edge.

***** 

Eren shook his head. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"You still don't."

"I wonder how everyone's doing now." Eren looked away at the lapping waves. "I hope they're happy."

Levi grunted in assent.

"That reminds me. You remembered everything when you met me, right?" said Eren. "Did… Did it have something to do with your wish with Them?"

There was a pause.

"Perhaps."

Rather, it had everything to do with his wish. But Levi would rather trudge barefoot through mud than admit to Eren that his wish had been, shall we say, uncharacteristically sentimental.

_Give me the strength to protect Eren this time._

Eren grinned and leaned closer. "Fine, don't tell me. But you have to give me something else in exchange."

"Don't you dare start bargaining with me."

"Too late."

With that, he pressed a kiss onto Levi's lips.

This time, their lips were soft and warm and gentle.

Leaning back, Eren viewed his handiwork. Levi had become an interesting shade of splotchy ketchup, and trying to look anywhere but Jeager, he turned his head away. His eyes met those of a five-year-old boy, whose eyes had turned round with shock. At his chubby feet, a dropped bucket rolled away, slow as tumbleweed. In the distance, a woman who was presumably his mother rushed towards him, yelling something like, "Look away, Tommy!"

Levi casually got to his feet, brushed the sand from his pants, and aimed a drop-kick at Eren's stomach.

Wiping the tears of laughter and pain from his eyes, Eren looked up at his lover.

"Hey, Mikasa and I are going to the summer carnival tomorrow. Want to come?"

 _Fuck,_ Levi thought, as he looked into Eren's green, green eyes, _I'm really being strung along, aren't I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was no more than a huge wave of my inner fujoshi fantasies, and I apologize for that. 「(°ヘ°)
> 
> I've always wanted to write a kiss-scene with these two characters in the canon universe. I imagined Levi and Eren noticing their love for each other sort of by accident-something like, surrounded by death, they realize their humanity in each other... and then Eren kisses Levi in a rush of passion, and Levi sits there, going, "Not bad..."
> 
> Well, see you in the next chapter! (●´∀｀●)


End file.
